A Godly Marriage

(There are many aspects of a successful marriage. One article can’t cover them all.)

In Genesis 1:27, the Bible explains that when God created mankind he created male and female. Adam, said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man,” Gen. 2:23. Then the Bible, not Adam, added in 2:24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

In the second chapter of Malachi, God is expressing his disgust and contempt for Judah. To paraphrase Malachi in verse 14 the people respond by asking, “What’s the problem?” God’s answer through Malachi is, “the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously . . . But did He not make them one [?] . . .Let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce . . .”

Jesus elaborates on this when asked in Matthew 19 about divorce. "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female' and said [God said] 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." Matt 19:4-6. He goes on to explain that though Moses did provide for divorce, it was only because of the hardness of men's hearts, "but from the beginning it hath not been so.”

This is serious business as God sees it. Anyone contemplating marriage needs to start that contemplation before they develop feelings for any member of the opposite sex, and they need to approach it with their eyes wide open. Love cannot be blind. That is a property of infatuation, and infatuation is an unhealthy foundation for marriage. Love must see things as they actually are, and deal with the reality of the situation. Anything less is superficial and unreal and will almost certainly lead to problems that may not be solvable.

God's prescription for marriage is found in Ephesians 5:22-33. "Wives , submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her . . . so husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church . . . This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."

Notice that Paul relates the husband and the wife in a marriage relationship to Christ and the church in a spiritual relationship. "Just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands." That takes it to the next level. This is how God sees a marriage relationship. This places a responsibility on two people. The husband is placed as the head. The wife is placed in subjection. Both partners must step up to meet their obligation. Husband, take the lead. Wife, be in subjection.

The husband must also "love their [wife] as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it." A husband who does not love his wife to the extent he is willing to sacrifice himself for her is out of line expecting the wife to be subject to him. It is the duty of the wife to be subject to a person who would unflinchingly give his life for her, someone who loves her as he loves his own flesh. Paul points out that “no one ever [slighted] his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.”

The relationship between a husband and a wife mimics the relationship between Christ and the church. Christ is a loving “husband” who willingly came to earth for the express purpose of sacrificing himself for his bride, the church. The whole of the relationship between Christ and the church is built on love, a John 3:16 definition of love. That is, to willingly sacrifice of yourself for the good of the other.

The husband takes the lead, and the wife follows that lead in subjection. But it will be easy from both perspectives, because in a Christian home the leader will be the one “taking the arrows” (as they say) to protect and advance the situation of his wife. The wife will be a willing follower, in subjection to a husband who would never dream of “lording it over” her because he loves her as he loves himself. She loves him as she loves herself and follows from that perspective. Anything else is not what is being talked about in Ephesians 5.

In all situations Phil. 2:1-8, is a guide to Christian attitudes. Nowhere is this more necessary than in a marriage. In verse one Paul is saying we must find and provide consolation in Christ, and love, and fellowship of the Spirit, and affection and mercy. Then he tells us to “be like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than him[her]self. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interest of others [their spouse.]” He adds to those words the admonition that we should humble ourselves as Christ humbled Himself to even come to earth in the form of a man, but more to sacrifice Himself for our salvation.

In each marriage the chores and responsibilities will be parceled out in a way that is agreeable to both parties, perhaps changing or rotating from time to time. What will also happen in a Godly home is the husband will wash dishes, or prepare the meal, or mop the floor, or dust (my least favorite (unless we get rid of all the knick-knacks sitting on all the surfaces) because he knows his wife would rather not do those things either. He does it so she won’t have to, and not all the time, but many times. The wife will do the same with those and all the other household chores that have to be done, that really no one wants to do. The husband who cares little to nothing about flower or shrub planters in the yard will go with his wife into the yard to dig holes for her to plant her chosen plants in and work with her in this endeavor.

There are many specific examples of such activities and they will often be the same from marriage to marriage, but they may just as often be different. Each spouse will take the initiative to do these things from time to time, just because they know the other would prefer not to do them and they want to abide by Phil. 2:1-8 as a good Christian should. You live, you behave, in the home so as to make life most pleasant for your spouse, and they will be doing the same for you. You go out of your way to do things for them as they will do for you. You are looking out for the interest of the other. Its what a Christian does anyway, and if you aren’t doing that in your marriage, I’m concerned about the health of your Christian life.

There is another thing that must be dealt with. If you want to cause problems in your marriage keep score in the progress of situations such as those mentioned in the previous paragraphs. Keep track of how often you’ve done something for your spouse, and compare that to how often they have done something for you. No good will come from this.

If this is what you are doing, you are not behaving out of love. You are not sacrificing yourself to achieve good for the other. You are still making yourself the object of your love and are concerned about how much attention is paid to you. You will be unhappy and you will make your marriage unhappy. Do not concern yourself with how often something is done for you. Don’t even concern yourself with how often you have done something for your spouse. Don’t keep score. Don’t keep records. Just do out of love what you can to make your spouse’s life better. That is what Ephesians 5 is telling us, and that is what Phillipians 2 is telling us.

God hates divorce. God despises adultery. If your life is dedicated to the betterment of your spouse as discussed above, neither adultery nor divorce will be entertained in your thoughts. Paul said what he was talking of was, “a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.” Interesting, I thought he was explaining marriage. Yes and no. God intends for marriage of a man and a woman to be a “type” of the church and the relationship between Christ and Christians. I think that is quite important to God. Does you marriage mimic Christ and the church? If not, make that happen.